She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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