I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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