are you still at the devil's house?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
