I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
