xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
