that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
home. puking in laundry basket.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
