I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
