We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
