I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
