What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
