Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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