I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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