OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
