so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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