it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
