Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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