Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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