Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
