I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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