How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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