I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
