We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
