you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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