She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize