Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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