just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
