she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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