I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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