i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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