Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
