Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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