My balls are so social today.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
