i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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