all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
