It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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