If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
