god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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