I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
