Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your cock deserves a montage
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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