the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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