remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize