So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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