So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
