i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
