hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
