i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
