Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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