I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
should my penis look like a turkey
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
