remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
So. Much. Porn.
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