I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize