Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
