i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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