Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dignity is for republicans.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
the raccoons are back...
Randomize