My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
