I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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