watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
