lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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