Ambien. No doubt about it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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