I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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