yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
