You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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