i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
